When I was younger, whenever I saw a piece of blank A4 paper my natural instict was to draw on it. I drew all the time. I even drew on the living room carpet once, and on the walls of my bedroom (sorry parents). I would fill up drawing pad after drawing pad. At primary school, I felt like creativity was always encouraged. When we finished our work, we were allowed to draw in these non-lined jotters which were called 'Busy Books'. By the time I got to secondary school, I looked forward to subjects like Art. I was always more interested in social subjects like RMPS, which resolved around discussions about morality, cultural and religious beliefs, and was always really bad at science and Technical Design (or Techy) because both involved basic Maths skills which I could never grasp. I have Dyscalculia, which I think to this day is quite poorly understood and causes difficulty learning numeric processes. I came across an Instagram post about the difference between Dyslexia and Dyscalculia and the comments were filled with people saying things like "Yes! I have Dyscalculia and no one talks about it or knows what it is! Thank you for this" and I honestly felt the same way.
I remember enjoying the first couple of years of Art at school, but we would always have to draw exact copies from photo references, and scale it up so that it was massive. I could never get the hang of this. I also wasn't good at drawing things anatomically correct because I had always drawn from imagination. It was disheartening because from a young age (about 4 to 11) people had praised me for my drawings, and now I was seen as extremely mediocre, at best. I was never proud of my work, and I started to hate drawing. I actually got a C for Higher Art which I was really embarrassed about. I basically had to beg the head of department to let me to do Advanced Higher because the typical requirement was an A or a B. I was grateful that she made an exception.
Over the years, people would say things like "Are you still drawing?" and I never really knew how to respond, but now I just have to be honest and tell them no, and that I don't enjoy it anymore. This has been the case for a long time now, but I found other ways to express my creativity. I became really interested in photography. I saved up for about a year for a Nikon DSLR and finally bought it when I was 15. I don't use my camera as much these days, partly because smartphone cameras are becoming more and more advanced, but I still love taking photos and editing them.
Some drawings I did in 2002, aged 5. The first one I believe is the Disney princesses, the cast of Scooby Doo, and Flounder, the fish from The Little Mermaid. Not sure who the last person is haha.
Some photos I took on a school trip to America, 2013
As much as I love going on holiday, I really enjoy having the time to listen to some music and edit all my photos when I'm home. It's a process I actually look forward to.
Some photos I took from my Higher Photography project 'Performance', 2015
During the pandemic, 2020
When I try to draw now, nothing really comes to mind. I just do little doodles, but it doesn't bring me a lot of satisfaction. However, I get a lot of enjoyment from editing photos, posting stuff on my food Insta, and this year I've got into TikTok! I wasn't interested in it for the longest time because I thought the app was just full of videos of people dancing but the variety of content is actually unreal. There are so many funny and talented people. So what I'm trying to say is, it's okay if something you used to love becomes something you hate. You might go back to it one day and even if you don't, you can find other things that bring you motivation and inspiration.
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